The Mindset You Carry into a Meeting Will Leave Its Mark

The following is adapted from The Leadership PIN Code.

In preparation for a meeting, it’s common to acquire data, conduct analysis, or learn about the people you’re going to meet. That kind of advanced planning serves leaders well, because great performance comes from being well prepared, rehearsed, and leaving little to chance. 

There is another kind of advanced planning that is equally important, but surprisingly, leadership texts emphasize it far less. Advanced preparation isn’t limited to researching the other person and practicing your speech. It also extends to the mindset that you carry into the meeting, which will leave its mark on everyone in attendance. 

If you’re irritated because the previous meeting went poorly, everyone in that meeting will shift into a poorer frame of mind. The consequences go beyond the meeting at hand. Your mindset may be as indelible as a tattoo, and the next time you meet with the same group, they might put up their walls and barriers, because they don’t want to let you create a bad atmosphere again.

Here’s how you can prepare your mindset so that it leaves a positive mark on everyone in the room. 

Your Mindset Is Tangible 

Your thoughts and ideas might instinctively seem like they’re contained safely inside your head, but actually, your mindset is tangible. Leaders often don’t recognize this fact, and they operate as if their innermost workings have no bearing on their relationships to other people. 

Let’s be honest, we all have met people we don’t like at work but nevertheless have to work alongside or collaborate with at any point in time. Without being conscious of it, your feelings towards that person during an encounter may be visible to them. As you approach them, you might already be thinking, “Oh no, I don’t really want to have to ask for her help but I’m going to have to.” By the time you get to speak to that person, you are feeling irritated and defensive. 

That mindset will be visible on your face and body language if you are not conscious of addressing it. You might cross your arms, signaling to the other person that you are standoffish or closed. Or you might unconsciously rest your head in your hands, which can signify frustration or boredom. Perhaps you’ll slide into a cold tone or avoid eye contact. 

These are all subtle signals, but humans are remarkably good at intuiting their meaning. If you want to be an empathetic, engaged leader, you must be conscious of what you’re communicating. 

Cultivate a Positive Mindset

To cultivate a more positive mindset (and the tangible outward signs that go with it), approach every meeting as a game of win-win, not a battle. Try to find common ground with everyone in the room. Empathize with their interests. What drives, concerns, motivates, or occupies them now? What might be in it for them to listen to you or support your needs?

Try to adopt a positive attitude. If you are not feeling good about the other person or situation, doing the opposite behavior helps. Put a big smile on your face, unlock your arms, and stride with confidence towards the meeting, intentionally believing that this is a new opportunity for the encounter to go well. 

Some people are reluctant to do this because they fear that they will come across as manic smilers. The effect will be far more subtle, and it’s more likely that it will counter the frown you would otherwise have arrived with. 

If you anticipate resistance, appeal to the desires of the meeting’s attendees. How do they want to be perceived? Instead of being defensive or cold, could you appeal, for example, to their desire to show flexibility, generosity, compassion, or supportive nature? Once you have adjusted your own mindset, you must consider the person or persons on the other side of the table. 

Finally, be aware of your own blind spots and biases and check them at the door. Remove assumptions about the other person and how they might react. Stay open-minded and curious. After all, you don’t know the future until you get there. See it as an investigation of a new opportunity.

Check Your Mindset at the Door

Whether you’re in a positive frame of mind or you feel worried and concerned, check your mindset before you begin every meeting. If you’re going into a meeting to recognize the success of your team, you will want to be positive. If you’re worried because you just learned that a peer has been made redundant, take a moment to leave that worry at the door.  

Few leaders pause between one meeting and the next to ask themselves what mindset they will carry into the next conversation and how that will be perceived by others. They’re missing a prime opportunity to bring out the best in their colleagues and clients. Doing business is as much about stopping and reflecting as it is about delivering results. 

In fact, if you commit to taking time and checking your mindset, it’s much more likely that positive results will follow.

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For more advice on collaboration, you can find The Leadership PIN Code on Amazon.

Dr. Nashater Deu Solheim brings a new toolkit to leadership development that is backed by decades of integrated experience in the areas of business and psychology. As a former forensic psychologist with clinical research in the neuropsychology of criminal minds, she developed a deep interest in effective learning strategies for lasting success. Now, as an expert negotiator who studied at the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School, Dr. Solheim has combined her experience as an executive leader in international private companies and government ministries to present The Leadership PIN Code, the definitive guide for helping business leaders secure influence and impactful results.