Emotional Intelligence Isn’t a “Soft Skill.” It’s One of the Hardest Parts of Good Leadership.
The following is adapted from The Leadership PIN Code.
“Emotional intelligence” (a.k.a., EI or EQ) is a term created by researchers Peter Salovey and John Mayer and popularized by Daniel Goleman in his 1995 book of the same name. The definition of EI has two parts: the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions, and the ability to recognize, understand, and influence the emotions of others.
In the world of business, it’s not uncommon for EI skills to be referred to as “soft skills.” This term somehow infers that these skills are easy or nice to have. The so-called “hard skills,” on the other hard, which are often technical or core discipline knowledge-based, are deemed necessary business-related skills.
By such categorization, soft skills development and training often become the victims of budgetary cuts when times are tough. Who wouldn’t cut spending on nice-to-haves when the business is struggling? Yet, I have to challenge this notion of soft skills and the inference of their dispensability. EI skills are essential to good leadership. Here’s why.
Humans are Not Machines
If leadership were about operating machines, you wouldn’t need to focus on how to motivate a machine, encourage it to collaborate, or resolve differences between it and other machines. But leadership isn’t about machines. It’s about leading people, and it is impossible to conduct a successful business without focusing on how people are motivated to do their job. Positive motivation will get you greater, more sustainable results than “motivating” through fear or coercion.
Leadership is about the people who are doing your business. We have leaders because of the human element of getting things done. If you decide not to focus on the human element, you will be the factor that limits the potential. Leaders must ensure they know how to bring out the best not just in individuals but also in teams to deliver results that impact the bottom line.
The Business Case for Emotional Intelligence
Thankfully, many smart and successful companies have seen the benefit of investing in EI skills development in their leaders and teams. For a thorough review of research, read the 2016 report “The Business Case for Emotional Intelligence” by Joshua Freedman and Paul Stillman. The evidence has shown that emotional intelligence is more than twice as predictive of business performance than purely cognitive intelligence and is more predictive of business performance than employee skills, knowledge and expertise.
In their report, the findings are startling. Fortune 100 companies showed significant financial gain after senior leaders were trained and followed up in EI. In some cases, there was even added economic value with over 1,000 percent return on investment.
When a leader is authentic and vulnerable, their behavior conveys trustworthiness, which leads to better employee engagement and performance. From a neurological stance, when an employee aligns with a leader, the parts of the brain associated with positivity and social connection light up.
Emotional Intelligence is the Basis of Strong Leadership
Leaders often struggle the most with influence in lateral relationships. Because a direct mandate doesn’t exist, leaders often tend to neglect the very relationships that are crucial to everyday leadership and getting the work done. In working across silos—whether cultural, geographic, or organizational—emotional intelligence plays a key role in building the relationships you might need further down the line.
What separates a weak leader from an engaged one is emotional intelligence. The basis of persuasion, influence, and negotiation—all fundamental leadership skills—is the ability to recognize, understand, and respond to emotions.
Emotionally intelligent leaders see all relationships as win-win situations. They learn the interests of their team members and stakeholders, and they are able to communicate the relevance of a task in terms of the individual’s motivation and common business priorities.
The “sell-in” of a task to a team member or positioning of a request to a stakeholder has to be both authentic and meet the true gains for both parties. Any superficial attempt to simply hang the request onto something the other party is interested in will be experienced as clumsy or manipulative.
Empathy Is the Antidote to Dysfunction
All leaders have their blind spots, but empathy distinguishes the effective leader from the dysfunctional one. It’s about being considerate or kind when there’s a tough job to be done or bad news to deliver. It’s about guiding and facilitating, not doing. Empathy allows you to demonstrate that you understand what an employee needs and is going through.
The skill here is empathy, not sympathy. Sympathy is about joining and sharing in the joy, sorrow or pain. Empathy is the ability to take another’s perspective even if you have not had the same experience, so that you can offer support and guidance to resolve a challenge. Empathy is not giving the other person a hug, but asking, “How can I help you, and what do you need?”
Some people are naturally skilled with empathy, but others have to make a concerted effort. Evidence and research show that influential people express empathy through active listening, mirroring the words of the speaker, and connecting through positive eye contact and body language.
Leaders trained in EI skills are much more effective at relating to clients, shareholders, and employees. Even if a person is highly knowledgeable and well-trained, if they don’t know how to convey that information in a relatable, personable manner, they will be unable to establish the trust necessary for successful business relationships.
It Takes Practice
Emotional intelligence in a leader is vitally important, but knowing what it is only goes so far. What differentiates a successful leader from the rest is the ability to demonstrate emotional intelligence in everyday leadership behavior.
That ability is called leading in the moment. It may look spontaneous, but there are practices that leaders can learn to apply in different situations. Those practices may feel uncomfortable and awkward at first, but as you apply them consistently, they’ll become part of your mindset and way of leading, until you are a leader that others admire.
“Hard skills” are valuable, but their true impact is only felt when there is also a relationship based on emotional intelligence. Learning EI is one of the hardest parts of good leadership, but it’s also the only way to take what you know about your business and get to that point where you are truly inspiring others and fostering the culture your business needs.
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For more advice on emotional intelligence, you can find The Leadership PIN Code on Amazon.
Dr. Nashater Deu Solheim brings a new toolkit to leadership development that is backed by decades of integrated experience in the areas of business and psychology. As a former forensic psychologist with clinical research in the neuropsychology of criminal minds, she developed a deep interest in effective learning strategies for lasting success. Now, as an expert negotiator who studied at the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School, Dr. Solheim has combined her experience as an executive leader in international private companies and government ministries to present The Leadership PIN Code, the definitive guide for helping business leaders secure influence and impactful results.
